Dear Indian-accented telemarketer who called at 8:30 AM on the Fourth of July: 

I am sympathetic to difficulties that you must face in the job you are performing. It's 8:30 AM here, but it's probably a weird time in Chennai, or Jaipur, or whichever large city is your home. I'm sure it is not very rewarding to sit in a cubicle all day and make cold calls to Americans, telling them they have been randomly chosen to receive a bundle of grocery and mall coupons totaling $500, that can be used at any grocery store or mall. And all I have to do is pay $4.95 for them to ship it to me.

Telemarketer, you must have gone to school for years to get your English this good. It's difficult to learn a second or third language, and English is not an easy one to pick up. From knowing my students in China and seeing how hard they studied for their tests, I'm sure you have spent a large portion of your life studying English-language materials and prepping for tests. I'm just sorry that you're using your expertise to sell me on the idea of paying money in order to receive coupons of dubious value.

Times are tough all over, telemarketer. You probably are doing pretty well, with your cubicle job. Your unemployed friends probably envy you. It's not a glamorous job, and I'm sure a lot of people are much more rude to you than I was when I politely told you I didn't need this and was not interested. You were still valiantly trying to sell me on the package even as my phone was hitting its cradle.

In conclusion, Telemarketer, I wish you well as a person, but also wish you could find a better job, one that doesn't involve cold-calling and selling things of questionable value.

In that, I suspect that you hold the same ambition for your future as do I.

Sincerely,

Catherine

PS: Don't call Americans on the Fourth of July. It makes them cranky.