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splagxna for showing me Googlism!Its results for the word "Catherine" are enlightening:
catherine is dancing
catherine is our eigth child
catherine is not evil
catherine is victim of russian stamp hoax
catherine is single and waiting for the right man to come
catherine is here somewhere
( Read more... )
I canceled my subscription to The Seattle Times a few years ago after reading, in an article about foster children, that half of foster children in Washington State are under the age of 9. If you define "child" as "someone under 18," and barring any huge bumps in birth rates recently, wouldn't you expect that about half of all children would be under 9? Honestly.
So anyway, when I see a stupid graph or hear a stupid statistic, it bugs me.
Here's one from the most recent church newsletter. It clearly shows that one number is smaller than the other.
See how the "Pledges Received" number is smaller than the "2008-09 Goal" number? See it? Because there's no way anyone could grasp the concept of one number being smaller than the other without a graph showing that it's so.
*fume*
Along those lines -- only in a humorous vein -- check out GraphJam. It's a site where people can create and upload their own flow charts, Venn diagrams, bar graphs, pie charts, and other forms of visual statistical representation; and a la LOLcats, it's being used for laughs.
I particularly like that if you don't get the joke, you can click "See Cheat Sheet" underneath almost every offering to find out where the reference comes from. Perfect for people who missed Pop Culture 101.
mevennen: Things I Learned from British Folk Ballads. By Jim Macdonald, who writes, "I have four children, two daughters and two sons. Naturally, I worry about their moral upbringing. As everyone knows who’s paying attention, “Just say no” doesn’t work. Instead, I made sure they were constantly exposed to the traditional folksongs and legends of Great Britain. Nothing’s more certain to give you a strong sense of the negative consequences of immoral or imprudent behavior."
This paragraph from his most recent bulk mailing had me giggling out loud at work:
"Ah, talking of things I don't understand, I was listening to Biffy Clyro this morning ('Machines'). Eh? What? "I would dig a thousand holes to lay next to you." *What*? I don't mean the lay/lie grammar issue, I mean: is that the way the kids go about it these days? What happened to "Would you like a drink?" or "How about lunch?"? Either I've missed quite a sea change in social mores
"Can I come in for coffee?"
"Cuh - steady on: have you *dug* a thousand holes for me yet?"
Or BC have got this whole courtship thing really, *really* wrong. Honestly, it doesn't get much more off the mark than turning up on a first date with a shovel. But, hold on - there's more. The second line is "I would dig a thousand more if I needed to." *WHAT*? For God's sake, man, you've already dug a *thousand* holes for this woman. How high maintenance is she? Just give it up and walk away, there's plenty more fish in the sea. It seems plain to me that you went that extra mile with the first thousand: *two* thousand now? *She's using you*. Alternatively, perhaps - just perhaps - the hole thing was never the way to go. Sure, you see a girl, you want to attract her, you find some waste ground and start digging. But I'm thinking that, if she doesn't melt when you show her the thousand holes you've already dug, then digging another thousand isn't going to help. Say her hair looks nice instead: OK, I know there's no tilling involved, but it's worth a try, right?"
Well said, Mil. Well said."Can I come in for coffee?"
"Cuh - steady on: have you *dug* a thousand holes for me yet?"
Or BC have got this whole courtship thing really, *really* wrong. Honestly, it doesn't get much more off the mark than turning up on a first date with a shovel. But, hold on - there's more. The second line is "I would dig a thousand more if I needed to." *WHAT*? For God's sake, man, you've already dug a *thousand* holes for this woman. How high maintenance is she? Just give it up and walk away, there's plenty more fish in the sea. It seems plain to me that you went that extra mile with the first thousand: *two* thousand now? *She's using you*. Alternatively, perhaps - just perhaps - the hole thing was never the way to go. Sure, you see a girl, you want to attract her, you find some waste ground and start digging. But I'm thinking that, if she doesn't melt when you show her the thousand holes you've already dug, then digging another thousand isn't going to help. Say her hair looks nice instead: OK, I know there's no tilling involved, but it's worth a try, right?"
I am laughing so hard at work that others are looking at me.
Thank you thank you,
tatterdamelion, for passing this along and releasing all of my endorphins at once from their little endorphin prisons. :-Dhypermuffin blog, the better to segment my audience. But this is really more of a "cute Andrew" story, so you get it, instead. Tonight the girls and I were playing up in the attic. We walked into the far "bedroom" and saw a large black spider on the floor.
I calmly wended my way downstairs and asked Andrew if he was well enough now to resume his designated spider squishing capacity. Because I am nothing if not a supportive wife. ;-)
He agreed and disposed of it, but the
hypermuffin burst into tears over the trauma of it all. Later that evening she mentioned the spider again. It had made a deep impression on her.
"Is Daddy your hero?" I asked her.
"Nooooo!" she shouted gleefully. "Daddy is not hero! Daddy is a man!!"
At which point Andrew put on his best laconic cowboy voice and said, "Nothin' heroic about it, ma'am. Just doin' what a man has to do."
Stuff White People Like
Most of these are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO true. I see myself in a whole lot of these.
*blush*
The complete list so far:
( behind the cut )
As forwarded to me by a coworker:
20 Tacky Religious Products Guaranteed to Anger God (warning: some strong language in the commentaries... but funny!!)
There are two pages, so be sure not to miss Page 2, which has items like "Jesus 'Action' Figures," the "Lookin' Good for Jesus Mini Kit," the "Grow A Buddha," "Bibleman Video Game," and the "Dog Nativity Set."
First off, "System Error" is a great name for a poem. ;-)
In a post-post-postmodern kinda way, I think a lot of these elements work, especially line 20, "die Cannot connect $DBI errstr." The blank lines before and after serve to highlight the content in lines 19 and 20.
What happened to lines 1 - 14? They are mysteriously absent... like the American soul in this technological age??? ;-)
The final line, "raw error," ends on a hopeful note. Maybe if we click that link, we will understand what it all means... or maybe not.
OK, I'm now done being silly.
The product itself is fairly innocuous, and clearly NOT meant to be used while actually driving, but the reviews are what push this into "really really funny" territory. Samples:
"This product far exceeds my expectations. I was not only able to read a book while driving, but with my free hands I was able to talk on my cell phone, while also sipping on my latte! For some reason, everyone keeps honking at me and flipping me off, but it doesn't matter, because I am too engrossed in my reading to care..."
"I love to read and I drive a lot for work, but it's not a standard automobile. Does anybody know if this will fit a regulation school bus steering wheel?"
"Got a new life insurance policy on the cheating wife yesterday. Gave her the Easy Reader this morning for a late valentines day presents. Easy reader I love you!"
I'm pretty sure that at some point I blogged about this review of The Story About Ping, a beloved children's book. Ahhhhhh, programmers with too much time on your hands, how I love the joy you bring to my circumscribed little life.
I couldn't tear myself away from this page. The other night, I spent over an hour and a half reading it, until far too late at night, thinking "just one more and then I'll stop... just one more..." Just like eating Pringles or Twizzlers or something else truly dreadful.
At the end I was left with burning eyes and queasiness of the soul.
(edit) Pish and tosh, looks like I crashed the site with my inconsiderate browsing. Or maybe all 3 people who read my blog did it. Yeah, that must be it. Shame on you and your wanton clicking through! :-)
(edit 2) I read the comments, and found that they were purchased at the "RT-Mart in Jinzhou, Liaoning Province." My brother says he has a good friend there, and will ask if she can find a set for me.
*holding my breath*
Famous Authors Predict the Winner of the Superbowl (the Ayn Rand one had me LOLing!): http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2008/2/1ryan.h
Found on Amazon, a Crazy Cat Lady action figure. Yes, really.
Do you think Andrew needs 12 monkey and lemur figurines for game? At only 50 cents for per monkey (or lemur), that's not bad, and would come in handy should the party find themselves on a lush tropical island, beset on all sides by evil carnivorous primates. Right?
(Do you think he needs a tub of mini cows?)
(I talked with Andrew on the phone and we decided that $5.98 for lemurs was OK, but $5.98 for lemurs + $4.57 for shipping was too much for, you know, plastic lemurs and monkeys. I bet they have these at Archie McPhee's, if we really really really needed to own them, which we do not.)
Need to throw someone a baby shower? From the same company (Accoutrements) comes a Baby Shower Catapult. What is it? I hear you ask. Well, as the name implies, it's a catapult. That shoots -- wait for it -- tiny baby figurines. Warning: If you actually feature this at a real baby shower, the expectant mother will most likely clock you one, really hard, too.
These One Dozen Tiny Devil Duckies are cute, though.
OK, and now to bed.
At the time, Andrew thought the whole thing was hilarious -- especially the "We act!" part. He was thinking of putting an order of paladins into one of his games whose modus operandi would be similar. :-)
Can I really take down subtitles that quickly? Usually, yes, if only one or two lines in a row need to be transcribed. I credit my years of devotion to transcribing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles quotations down from live TV, since we didn't have a VCR... but that's an embarrassing anecdote for another time.
Anyway, the subtitles!
( Read more... )
Behold -- Hong Kong Movie Subtitles, as sent to me probably almost 10 years ago (!) by Craig Andera, who introduced me to Call of Cthulhu.
( Read more... )
hypermuffin went to bed, I suddenly got the urge for something sweet. I'd been planning for awhile to make something called "Pumpkin Whip," preferably when I had guests to help me eat it, so I broke out the blender and put it together. It was good; Andrew really liked it. (The hypermuffin didn't.)( Pumpkin Whip )
The game is still going as I type (9:46 PM). Andrew just told everyone that the "arena" battle currently going on sells four refreshments -- peacorn, popnuts, soda gum and chewing water.
Mmmmmm, chewing water.
I was surfing around a few minutes ago and found a Saturday Night Live skit called "Taco Town." If you haven't seen it, take a look... it's hilarious. I was laughing so hard everyone out in the main room thought I had completely lost it, and I had to take the laptop out and show everyone else what was so funny.
Oh, and speaking of funny... here's Tom Cruise being totally over-the-top "Tom Cruise crazy." http://gawker.com/5002269/the-cruise-ind
And finally, the song "Tom Cruise Crazy," by Jonathan Coulton. (Third one underneath "Funny Ones," the second box down.)
I need to stop now, otherwise I will come up with something else food- or Tom Cruise-related to add to this post. And you may not want that.
If that's you, then prepare to revel in the glory that is --
LOLcat Wasteland
(First stanza or two, to give you da flavah...)
"1. IM IN UR WASTELAND BURYING UR DEAD
april hates u, makes lilacs, u no can has. (1)
april in ur memoriez, making ur desire.
spring rain in ur dull rootzes.
earth in ur winter, covered in snow
can has potato. PO-TA-TO.
INVISIBLE SUMMER! RAININGZES!
im in ur hofgarden, drinking ur coffeez."
. . .
OMG funniez!!!!1!!! :-D
Thanks to John Bryan for the tip. (John, you really need your own LJ account.)
A series of e-mails from a boss to his entire staff, in which he gets himself into more and more trouble. Hoo boy. Lots of trouble.
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